EH gets royal approval

The House of Windsor is in the process of recruiting a senior environmental health (EH) officer to the personal staff of Her Majesty The Queen, sources have revealed.

Having seen the sterling work the EH profession has carried out during the pandemic, the monarch is said to have personally requested that a vacancy be created specifically for an EH role.

In fact three EH officers will be recruited: two will be on constant alternating shifts to ensure 24-hour coverage, and a further officer will be held in reserve for a “just in case” scenario.

Applicants must either be British citizens or have already obtained the legal right to work in the UK. Everyone who works for the Royal Household is security cleared so anyone really dodgy need not apply.

Former royal butler Paul Burrell, who is now good chums with the Queen after all that nonsense with Diana, said he spoke to Liz on Saturday night and she had told him: “If only they’d listened to EHOs and done proper boot-leather contact tracing like in the good old days, we’d have been out of this COVID mess months ago.

“Those EH chaps and chapesses look rather smart. I’d have them in my corner rather than that toffee apple head Johnson. What. What”.

The corgis however, were a little worried that the new role might curtail their midnight activities in the palace kitchens and inside sources revealed they are planning a bloody coup.